Struggle with Feedback? How to Receive It with Grace and Grow from It

May 19
4 min read

What’s your first reaction when someone say, “Can I give you some feedback?” Is it ‘Uh oh, what have I done wrong? Or did you think “Oh, I wonder what I can learn?”.

For so many of us, this phrase triggers a deep, familiar discomfort. Maybe it’s the tone. Maybe it’s the history or person delivering the message. But more often than not, it’s the stories we carry of feedback that was poorly given, unfair in nature or perhaps judgment masquerading as “development”.

Let’s face it: feedback, even with the best intentions, often comes tangled with stigma. We brace ourselves. We assume the worst. Instead of hearing an invitation to grow, we hear an accusation.

And that reaction is human. It’s protective. But it also holds us back.

“Feedback is the only way to ensure you are still on the right track.” – Jack Welch.

A Moment I’ll Never Forget

I’ll never forget a feedback moment that challenged me deeply—and shaped the way I show up as a leader.

It was during the height of COVID. I was leading HR and presenting a reward and recognition update to employees across the business—online, of course. With early morning shifts and late-night toolboxes, I was dialling in from home at all hours. One morning, at 6 am, I logged on from my bedroom, as my family was still asleep and I needed quiet. I was dressed in branded work attire, seated upright, and ready to connect.

The presentation ended without issue—until the logistics manager smirked and asked, “Are you presenting from your bedroom?” I confirmed I was. He laughed and added, “Some of the boys just said, ‘Bet she’s never had that many men in her bedroom before.’”

That comment—blatantly inappropriate—was brushed off. Days later, my managing director questioned whether I had presented from bed in my pajamas. I clarified the context. I had shown up professionally and responsibly. But rather than addressing the sexist comment, the focus shifted to me—being told I should “be more mindful and know better” because I was the Head of HR.

I chose to accept this feedback gracefully and with composure. I explained my actions, acknowledged the perception, and committed to being more mindful next time —without defensiveness. But I also noted, internally, how easily feedback can miss the mark when it ignores the real issue.

The truth is, most of us didn’t learn how to receive feedback well—because we’ve rarely seen it modelled effectively. It may have come in the form of vague criticism, surface-level praise, or delivered at the worst possible moment. Perhaps it was used as a power play. Or maybe it was completely absent, leaving us in the dark and guessing.

But feedback can be something else entirely. What if, instead of assuming it’s criticism, we assumed it’s care? What if we saw it as a moment of connection—someone seeing us clearly enough to offer something that could help us become even better?

In a world where technology, strategy, and expectations evolve faster than ever, feedback isn’t just helpful—it’s essential. It’s how we learn, adapt, and lead with integrity. It’s the “opportunity light” that shines on what we can’t always see on our own.

Here’s Why Feedback Matters

According to the University of Houston, employees who receive regular feedback report 30% better well-being and 25% higher job satisfaction (2020). And while, 87% of employees want to grow, sadly only a third say they actually get the feedback they need (NeuroLeadership Institute, 2018).

Even more telling: 70% of managers still feel unprepared to give honest feedback, especially in hybrid settings (SHRM, 2022).

So, if you do receive feedback—even if it’s messy—consider receiving it with grace as it likely took courage and care to offer.

When You Receive Feedback with Grace, You Model Leadership

When leaders welcome feedback, teams do too. Gracefully receiving feedback does the following:

Builds trust and psychological safety
Strengthens genuine connection and belonging
Models humility and vulnerability
Spots issues early and learn faster
Demonstrates leadership integrity—and inspire others to do the same

However, the contrast is damaging. Consider what message are you sending when you dismiss, ignore, or get defensive about feedback.

Every time we resist or deflect feedback—whether through silence, sarcasm, or shutting down—we’re communicating something. Even when it’s unintentional, our response to feedback sends a powerful signal about who we are as leaders and what kind of culture we’re building.

Ask yourself:

Are you signalling that feedback isn’t welcome?
When you dismiss input, people start to wonder whether it’s even worth speaking up next time. Over time, silence replaces honesty.
Are you making it emotionally unsafe to be honest?
If your team sees defensiveness or reactivity, they learn that honesty comes with risk. Psychological safety quietly erodes.
Are you creating distance between yourself and others?
When feedback is met with resistance, people pull back. The emotional connection weakens, and collaboration starts to feel transactional rather than trusting.
Are you unintentionally modelling that feedback is failure?
Your reaction teaches others how to respond. If you see feedback as criticism, your team likely will too—making learning harder for everyone.

As Warren Buffet wisely said, “Feedback is critical for self-development. Ask someone you trust for feedback. And then accept it as a gift.”

While constructive feedback might sting in the moment, it also carries the power to transform—if you’re prepared to listen with an open heart and a clear mind.

5 Key Steps to Receiving Feedback with Grace—and Growing From It

Open Mindset
Assume positive intent. View feedback as an invitation to become better—not a judgment on who you are.
Seek Clarity
Ask questions to understand the why and how—not just the what. “Can you help me understand the impact you saw?” invites conversation, not conflict.

Gratitude
Say thank you—even if it stings. Feedback shows someone took the time to see you and speak up. That’s a gift.

Reflect
Take time to process. What’s true? What’s context-specific? What might you learn from this, even if it wasn’t delivered perfectly?
Act
Decide what needs to change—and follow through. Let your growth speak for itself.

Receiving feedback with grace isn’t about agreeing with everything you hear. It’s about staying open, curious, and grounded—even when the message is hard to hear. Because in leadership—and in life—the real growth begins the moment we’re willing to listen.

But when we meet feedback with defensiveness or denial:

Trust erodes
Emotional distance grows
Learning stalls
Honest conversations stop
Cultures become cautious, risk-averse, and disengaged

What’s your first reaction when someone say, “Can I give you some feedback?” Is it ‘Uh oh, what have I done wrong? Or did you think “Oh, I wonder what I can learn?”.

Let’s face it: feedback, even with the best intentions, often comes tangled with stigma. We brace ourselves. We assume the worst. Instead of hearing an invitation to grow, we hear an accusation.

And that reaction is human. It’s protective. But it also holds us back.

“Feedback is the only way to ensure you are still on the right track.” – Jack Welch.

A Moment I’ll Never Forget

I’ll never forget a feedback moment that challenged me deeply—and shaped the way I show up as a leader.

The presentation ended without issue—until the logistics manager smirked and asked, “Are you presenting from your bedroom?” I confirmed I was. He laughed and added, “Some of the boys just said, ‘Bet she’s never had that many men in her bedroom before.’”

I chose to accept this feedback gracefully and with composure. I explained my actions, acknowledged the perception, and committed to being more mindful next time —without defensiveness. But I also noted, internally, how easily feedback can miss the mark when it ignores the real issue.

But feedback can be something else entirely. What if, instead of assuming it’s criticism, we assumed it’s care? What if we saw it as a moment of connection—someone seeing us clearly enough to offer something that could help us become even better?

In a world where technology, strategy, and expectations evolve faster than ever, feedback isn’t just helpful—it’s essential. It’s how we learn, adapt, and lead with integrity. It’s the “opportunity light” that shines on what we can’t always see on our own.

Here’s Why Feedback Matters

According to the University of Houston, employees who receive regular feedback report 30% better well-being and 25% higher job satisfaction (2020). And while, 87% of employees want to grow, sadly only a third say they actually get the feedback they need (NeuroLeadership Institute, 2018).

Even more telling: 70% of managers still feel unprepared to give honest feedback, especially in hybrid settings (SHRM, 2022).

So, if you do receive feedback—even if it’s messy—consider receiving it with grace as it likely took courage and care to offer.

When You Receive Feedback with Grace, You Model Leadership

When leaders welcome feedback, teams do too. Gracefully receiving feedback does the following:

Builds trust and psychological safety

Strengthens genuine connection and belonging

Models humility and vulnerability

Spots issues early and learn faster

Demonstrates leadership integrity—and inspire others to do the same

However, the contrast is damaging. Consider what message are you sending when you dismiss, ignore, or get defensive about feedback.

Every time we resist or deflect feedback—whether through silence, sarcasm, or shutting down—we’re communicating something. Even when it’s unintentional, our response to feedback sends a powerful signal about who we are as leaders and what kind of culture we’re building.

Ask yourself:

Are you signalling that feedback isn’t welcome?

When you dismiss input, people start to wonder whether it’s even worth speaking up next time. Over time, silence replaces honesty.

Are you making it emotionally unsafe to be honest?

If your team sees defensiveness or reactivity, they learn that honesty comes with risk. Psychological safety quietly erodes.

Are you creating distance between yourself and others?

When feedback is met with resistance, people pull back. The emotional connection weakens, and collaboration starts to feel transactional rather than trusting.

Are you unintentionally modelling that feedback is failure?

Your reaction teaches others how to respond. If you see feedback as criticism, your team likely will too—making learning harder for everyone.

As Warren Buffet wisely said, “Feedback is critical for self-development. Ask someone you trust for feedback. And then accept it as a gift.”

While constructive feedback might sting in the moment, it also carries the power to transform—if you’re prepared to listen with an open heart and a clear mind.

5 Key Steps to Receiving Feedback with Grace—and Growing From It

Open Mindset

Assume positive intent. View feedback as an invitation to become better—not a judgment on who you are.

Seek Clarity

Ask questions to understand the why and how—not just the what. “Can you help me understand the impact you saw?” invites conversation, not conflict.

Gratitude

Say thank you—even if it stings. Feedback shows someone took the time to see you and speak up. That’s a gift.

Reflect

Take time to process. What’s true? What’s context-specific? What might you learn from this, even if it wasn’t delivered perfectly?

Act

Decide what needs to change—and follow through. Let your growth speak for itself.

Receiving feedback with grace isn’t about agreeing with everything you hear. It’s about staying open, curious, and grounded—even when the message is hard to hear. Because in leadership—and in life—the real growth begins the moment we’re willing to listen.

But when we meet feedback with defensiveness or denial:

Trust erodes

Emotional distance grows

Learning stalls

Honest conversations stop

Cultures become cautious, risk-averse, and disengaged

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