When Good Employees Stop Trying: The Cost of Unsafe Leadership

I recently worked with a client who came to me distressed, exhausted, and fearful of speaking up.

For over a year, she had been targeted by her manager, set up to fail, belittled in open forums, screamed at during team meetings, excluded from conversations she needed to be part of, and held to unrealistic expectations. The retaliation felt constant and her fear was real.

By the time she reached out, she wasn’t sleeping. She was anxious, second-guessing every email, every interaction. At work, she had withdrawn, doing only what was required to survive. Her discretionary effort was gone, her creative thinking clouded and her focus reduced.  Her daily focus is self-protection.

And at home, she was still expected to be a present parent, a loving partner, a functioning human being while carrying a nervous system stuck in fight-or-flight.

This is the unseen cost of unsafe leadership.

And many leaders don’t even realise it’s happening around them.

• Someone on their team is quietly withdrawing.

• Someone who once contributed ideas is now silent.

• Someone who used to care deeply is now simply surviving.

And unfortunately, it’s far more common than many organisations realise. According to SHRM (2025), 76% of employees say they have witnessed acts of incivility in the workplace in the past month, and 13% report encountering it daily.

Now, I often ask myself: What’s going on for the other person? Because I genuinely believe most of us come to work wanting to contribute and do a good job. But when leaders operate under intense pressure, fear of being exposed, embarrassment, or feeling incapable defensive behaviour can emerge.

And when that defensiveness flows downward, it can become destructive.

A leader who feels under threat may unconsciously look for someone to blame. Pressure gets pushed down. Control tightens. Public criticism increases. Isolation begins. The employee becomes the scapegoat for the leader’s own perceived inadequacies.

This is not leadership. This is fear in action.

The organisational impact is significant. Psychological safety erodes. Innovation disappears. Engagement drops. You will lose good people or worse, you’ll keep them physically present but emotionally checked out.

Research reinforces this pattern. Bravely (2017) found that 70% of employees avoid difficult conversations at work, and 53% deal with toxic situations by simply ignoring them a behaviour that steadily erodes trust and engagement across organisations.

For leaders, especially in hybrid or remote environments, the warning signs can be subtle. Ask yourself:

• Is someone producing work but no longer contributing ideas?

• Are they present in meetings but unusually quiet?

• Are they becoming snappy or argumentative?

• Have the informal coffee chats stopped?

• Is praise minimal or it feels forced?

• Are they rarely consulted on timelines or decisions (out of sight out of mind)?

  
  

Disengagement is often a symptom, not a personality shift.

By the time my client was asking my advice, she had already spoken to lawyers and external advisors. The legal advice was clear: she had a case. She could pursue formal action and likely win.

“You don’t overcome challenges by avoiding them. You overcome them by confronting them.” — Oprah Winfrey

But here’s where brave communication matters.

While legal pathways exist for good reason, my first encouragement was this: give the organisation the opportunity to act.

Make a formal complaint. Speak to HR. Document the behaviour. Allow the business to investigate and establish the facts because when someone has the courage to come forward, it gives the organisation the power to intervene, not just for one individual, but for the broader culture.

Bullying is rarely isolated. If one person is experiencing it, others are witnessing it. And what we permit, we promote.

Leadership is about courage. As Brené Brown reminds us, “Clear is kind.” Avoiding hard conversations in the name of comfort protects no one.

That said, speaking up is not easy. It requires immense bravery particularly when you fear retaliation. This is why support matters. A coach, a trusted advisor/friend or simply someone to remind you that you are not overreacting and your health matters. I was that person for my client.  After our conversation, she felt better informed, calmer in herself, clearer about the options and supported to take the next step. She felt optimistic that she would sleep better that night. 

For those who have ever experienced or witnessed this first-hand you’ll probably agree that when it comes to your mental and physical wellbeing being seriously impacted, something must change.  Your choices ultimately narrow to three paths, influence change by speaking up, accept the situation for what is it (not something I advocate you do) or protect yourself which often means leaving. 

All options require strength.

Every situation is different. Some organisations respond swiftly and decisively. Others don’t. If you raise concerns and no meaningful action follows, then you must decide what is right for you because no one deserves to operate in fear.

For leaders reading this, the reflection is equally important. Under pressure, how are you showing up? Are you focusing on the problem or unconsciously targeting the person? Are your remote workers truly engaged, or quietly withdrawing?

Building connection and strengthening workplace culture requires empathy, transparency, and accountability. It requires leaders willing to examine their own behaviour before it causes harm.

And for those feeling targeted: you are not alone. It’s never too late to speak up. With the right support, brave communication can be the catalyst for change.