As a leader, supervisor or frontline manager, part of your role is to deal with conflict. It comes with the title. However, so many leaders still avoid dealing with conflict even though many of them understand the hidden costs of unresolved conflict.
According to a study done in 2017 by a workplace resource company, Bravely, who surveyed 1,344 full-time employees, found that 70% of employees are avoiding difficult conversations at work and 53% of employees are handling "toxic" situations by ignoring them, which is resulting in declining employee engagement and organizational trust.
Joseph Grenny author of Crucial conversations said, “When confronted with a crucial conversation, many of us resort to one of two options – silence or violence. We either don’t speak up at all, or we act out angrily”.
Throughout my 20 years executive People and Culture career, I’ve been exposed to, and had to resolve many different & difficult conflict situations, both personally and professionally, and despite having the tools and knowledge, it can still be challenging.
So, I empathise with people who are experiencing conflict in the workplace at any level. I see your annoyance, your pain and frustration and the fear or deflated attitude that is so often present. In my experience, here are the following reasons why leaders and employees avoid conflict.
Can you relate to one or more of these issues?
You lack the confidence or don’t feel it’s your place to raise the concern
You feel stressed or anxious about having difficult conversations
You fear the negative response (emotional lash outs)
You haven’t got the time to invest in long conversations and by then you’ve left it to late and it has lost its impact
You worry about maintain the working relationship and fear it will be damaged if you confront them
You don’t know how to approach the situation….. so you put off instead.
“Leadership is about courage. It’s about finding the courage to show up and have difficult conversations, to take risks and embrace change”
Brene Brown
Statistically when we are trained to have difficult conversations, the outcomes of a positive resolution increase dramatically. A study by CPP Inc., 2008 found that 95% of employees who received basic conflict training, state that the training helped them navigate workplace conflict positively and seek mutually beneficial outcomes (CPP Inc., 2008).
If your goal is to have better connections in the workplace, increased employee engagement, improve collaborations within teams and cross functionally, and achieve great result, then building the critical skills to have difficult conversations is essential.
Top 10 skills to have effective difficult conversations:
Prepare your thoughts and ideas – be clear on your message, the issue(s) and desired outcome (don’t wing it)
Be aware of your mindset entering a difficult conversation: if you’re mentally ready for a battle, your behaviour and demeanour will represent that.
Reflect and plan how you’ll respond to negative emotions during the conversation: don’t be caught off guard.
Practice the conversation out loud or with a trusted person
Assume positive intent: our perception is not always accurate.
Consider the other person’s perspective: what are their challenges or issues, what are they wanting to achieve?
Ask questions to seek clarification, listen carefully and hold judgment
Explore ideas or ways forward to improve the situation.
Focus on the problem not the person. It’s NOT you and me against each other it’s you and me against the problem. Taking a common goal approach will often defuse the situation.
Demonstrate courage: draw strength from your values and face the difficult conversation.
Key Takeaways
Avoiding conflict helps no-one. Employees suffer, leaders suffer, and organisations suffer.
Strong leadership is embodied by the ability to have difficult conversations in order to uphold performance and behavioural standards, protect workplace culture and support the growth of individuals.
Be kind to yourself, difficult conversations take time and effort to master and maybe they won’t ever feel comfortable but it’s the right thing to do.
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